If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
