I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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