I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
