Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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