I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
