I CAN MOONWALK!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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