Cold hands, warm shart.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
