Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.