Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why are you drunk at the library?