just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
North Korea, Best Korea!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.