i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?