Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.