I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
