Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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