I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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