Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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