Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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