I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
