I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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