Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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