so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
