Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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