just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
