fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
her vagine was all disorganized.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
