It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
