I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
