Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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