failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
