You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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