It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
