I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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