Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
