This girl is more easily done than said...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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