I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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