Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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