i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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