she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
