That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
