i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
