...so i touched it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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