My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
