I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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