i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
