My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
