I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
