Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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