best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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