Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
