Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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