True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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