Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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