I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
