I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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