Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
