he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
