she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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