I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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