while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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