I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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