You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
