new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize