On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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