Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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