It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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