ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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