I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
