I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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