I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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