he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We don't watch enough power rangers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
