I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
